Sunday, 30 August 2015

A Blinded Love

I never thought of this day to come. I was confident in our relationship, I always assumed that out love was real and that we will last forever. Turned out that we were both blinded by that hopeless facade. It's all just a fucking lie, everything. And it makes me so enraged to think that I was fooled by our so called 'love'. Everyone had warned me not to get too carried on, but guess what? I obviously didn't listen. I gave you my all, and all I get back in return is a fucking broken, rotten, shattered heart. Don't say I didn't give you chances, there were at every corner. You could have just sucked up that damn ego of yours for once. Because all these time, I was the fucking one giving in. I had to bear with all your childish acts and arrogant behaviour. You always think that you're right. You don't take in others' comments because you think you've known everything. I didn't fucking give up on you, you yourself did. I did everything in my own will to fucking try to bring out the best in you, but I guess I'm not the one who can do that for you. I'm done with all these shit you pour on me. I'm tired and sick of it. And to think that on my worst days, when I needed your comfort most- things that every girl would expect from their boyfriend- you would stoop so fucking low to fucking make me feel worse. I don't even know how one could be so shallow. You don't even consider my feelings, just your stupid fucking pride. And you know what? Because of that, I'm done. I've taken enough of it. I didn't expected much from you anyways. I just hoped that at least you would step down and offer me a kind act, one that will warm my heart during my loneliest and darkest days. But you didn't. You didn't even try. You didn't even bother to fight for me, for us. So what do you expect me to do? To hold on? Yeah dream on. Being with you was the biggest mistake in my life honestly.

But I regret nothing. Because partially, it was my fault for loving you. And I know deep down in my heart that you too, loved me wholeheartedly. I wouldn't neglect the days when you made me smile, laugh even. You made me felt loveable and that I was worth. You sheltered me with comfort, and treasured me as though I'm the only gem in the world. But I guess too much of everything has its consequences. It brings harm. There was so much comfort that I thought we were inseparable. I kept telling myself that the pain and grudges were only temporary because our love overpowers any negativity.

Well today, finally, I had the courage to open my eyes. I realized that there was so much wrong in this relationship. I almost felt forced to be with you just because I felt that everything was comfortable. And now, without you by my side, I know that my life will flip. Because you were my only constant throughout these 3 years. Now, I'll have to learn to live without you. I depended too much on you. And I wish to live my life alone, as a strong individual despite a shameful past. And I wish you the same, to put back our past and focus on what's ahead. Of course I will bottle our shared memories somewhere special in my heart. Those memories are etched in my heart and mind forever. And I hope they do too in yours. I wish you luck in everything, and I hope you will be blessed with a significant other whom can understand and relate to you better than I do.

I used to end my letters with "Lots of Love", but I guess this will be the first change for both of us.

Best Wishes,

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